I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
