I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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