Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
