i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
