at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
