Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
