Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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