please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
