i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
