You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hope mine doesn't look like that
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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