I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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