the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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