I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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