You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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