I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who died my cat blue again?
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