she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
