He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
