Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
