i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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