Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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