I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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