Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize