hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
