I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize