My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
