Pants 0. Shit 1.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
