I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
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