i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I forget how to act sober
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
