Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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