HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
