it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
