Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
