I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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