she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
