i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
