I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
