mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
