I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
