Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hate your face
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
