My liver just broke up with me...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
