Already got asked if we're dating
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
