And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
