If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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