youre lurking in front of me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
