this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize