some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize