Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i drank out of a bidet.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
