Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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