stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
