I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
