It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
