Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
