Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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