So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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