If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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