I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
