i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
