i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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