she woke up with a sticky ear
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
3 2 1 whiskey
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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