i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
