the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this beer tastes like vomit already
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
