Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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