some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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