Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
