sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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