I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
