I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The feeling are messing with the penis
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
