On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
